Detention Diva

I was recently invited to be keynote speaker at my Alma Mater’s Career Day. It’s an honor but more than anything it’s hilarious. I barely escaped with my diploma from Archbishop Wood High School due to disciplinary issues. Don’t get the wrong idea. I wasn’t lighting up in the bathroom or cursing out teachers.

The pink demerit slips were for uniform violations and I was taken down as a repeat offender. It wasn’t that I minded uniforms. They are practical and a terrific time saver in the morning. It’s just that these were damn ugly. Picture if you will a dark green polyester jumper over an ecru polyester blouse with a Peter Pan collar. What it lacked in beauty, it also lacked in breathability. The green knee socks and green and yellow saddle shoes didn’t have me kicking up my heels, either.

Mutiny was mine, but I paid a price for my insurgence. I failed conduct every year. The grade was calculated into my G.P.A. - earning me a spot at the bottom of my class. I was told I couldn’t graduate unless I spent two additional hours in detention for every point under the passing grade. That meant many hours of pulling weeds in the convent garden.

“Disciplinary Difficulty” was stamped in red across my transcripts with no explanation as to why I was a difficulty. That made getting admitted to college challenging despite a decent SAT score. Finally, Penn State accepted me on probation and I promptly reversed my fortune. I was the best-dressed student on dean’s list.

All is well that ends well. I have fond, if not fashionable, memories of high school. I’m thrilled for the opportunity to share my insights on career and choices while not wearing green polyester.